while we live with those we love,
That God may call them any time
to live with him, above.
As I woke up in the Monday morning and peeked through the window, the morning cloud did not bring the usual joy for the day. I nudged my son to wake up, “No Mommy” – he said without opening his eyes as he put his arms round my neck, cuddled with me and went off to sleep again. After debating whether to call in sick and spend the day with my bundle of joy or to go to work and not waste my vacation days, pragmatism overpowered, and I decided to go to work anyway.
While I was settling down at work over my morning coffee, my phone rang and it was Sunita – my sweetest and most talkative friend. She would start a conversation as if we haven’t spoken in ages (even though we talked with each other probably the day before!!) I picked up the phone, preparing my self to go through my emails while we were talking and there she goes, very uncharacteristically, straight to the point, “Have you heard about Sahil?” I said “No, what about him” She goes “ He died in a car accident yesterday”. I gasped, couldn’t even ask “How?” But she went on anyways.
From what I remember from that conversation and from the numerous other ones that I had in the next day or two, it was like this. Sahil (a nineteen year old son of a friend of mine) and few of his friends were returning to their university in
I could not come out of that daze for the rest of the day and kept thinking of the jovial, social Sahil and his numerous pranks with his mother and aunts. I thought of how he used to love to play with my two year old, throwing him up and catching him on his way down and my son giggling at that. But the day dragged on nevertheless, and we went to bed for the night. The night seemed to be no better. I woke up several times from nightmare and as I hugged my son closer and lay there on the bed, I got very scared of “Life”- Life with all its uncertainties.
The next day was no different than the previous one – cloudy and gloomy, reflecting the true spirit of me. The only difference was that I would be wearing a black dress that day – I had to attend Sahil’s funeral. As I dragged myself through the household chores, I prepared to face Sahil’s mother. I wondered what her reaction would be and every time I thought about her, I involuntarily put myself in that situation and shuddered. Life would be inane and meaningless for her after this, I concluded.
But at the funeral, I found her unusually calm, greeting everyone that was visiting. It must have been the shock; she does not realize what has happened to her – I thought. But she broke down when she saw Sahil’s body, covered up in a white cloth. His face was looking so fresh and unaffected, almost as if he was sleeping peacefully at the end of a hard day.
Throughout the funeral, I stood in a corner, wondering – “If only Sahil’s parents refused to let him go that night”, “If only he decided not to come home for the weekend”, “If only he hadn’t got out of the car”. But, I guess, no one else can decide which “if only” would come true, except for the one who we call “Almighty” and who has control over our “Destiny”.
As I was walking out of the funeral, preparing myself to be ready to get on with life, Sunita came running up to me and whispered in my ears, “Is Rupa’s baby shower still on for the next weekend?” Rupa – another friend of mine was due to give birth to a baby girl in less than three weeks!!!
